Who are you and what’s Tender Funerals Canberra about, in your own words?
I’m Catherine Prosser, the General Manager of Tender Funerals Canberra Region. Tender Funerals is about empowering the community to take back control of how funerals are done, and that means helping people feel confident to know what they can ask for, what they can say ‘yes’ to and what they can say ‘no’ to, regardless of what a ‘real’ funeral should or shouldn’t look like. That’s how you get meaningful and affordable funerals.

What’s a recent moment or story connected to your work that has stayed with you?
We supported a family who came to us because their person had died very suddenly and very tragically. It hit one person particularly hard; they were barely able to function, they were so deep in their grief. We encouraged them to come to our beautiful space and take the time they needed to adjust to their new reality. The person ended up visiting almost every day and the family also used art as a healing mechanism, getting everyone involved in decorating their person’s coffin. That’s not to say what we offered was a magic bullet – they have a long way to go – but it helped them create a strong foundation to move forward from. It was a beautiful example of what happens if you get out of the road of a family and just help them have the time and space to do what they need.

What’s a challenge you’re seeing around funeral culture or end-of-life conversations – especially something people might not realise?
So many things are communicated from a fear-based point of view. For example, for-profit funeral homes sell pre-paid funerals marketed as a way to ‘save your children the burden, cost and stress’. Whereas we see preplanning as an opportunity for positivity and healing, particularly if you involve your family and friends, rather than deciding things without them. We encourage people to do preplanning to start conversations, put money aside safely, to think about all their options, to make decisions that will help them and their family feel lighter, more in control and to be able to grieve in a healthier way. If we made this all normal, instead of something to be afraid of, we’d all feel a lot better.

What impact are you seeing, and what keeps you motivated?
I see transformation in families all the time. I see families having a fundamentally different and more healing experience with us to the one they were expecting because of their previous funeral experiences. We often get feedback from families like ‘It was a really positive experience, and I wasn’t expecting it to be’, or ‘I felt serene – I don’t know why, but I did.’ I know those families will tell many other people about what’s possible, and that’s really inspiring.

What’s one thing you wish more people knew – about the people you support, or why this approach matters?
Participating in the care and funeral of a person has a profound impact on your experience of their death, and your ability to handle death in the future. Whether that’s spending time with the person after they’ve died, helping to dress them, decorating the coffin, taking an active part in any service or memorial – being part and present in what’s happening is important, and it’s something we should feel we can insist on. Especially the part about spending time with your person after their death; this used to be what we all did, all the time, but it’s been made into this extreme or unusual choice, instead of something that is inherently human.

For people in Canberra who might need your support, how can they access Tender’s services?
Just call us. 6171 6229. We can talk to you about preplanning, we can come and talk to your club or social group – it’s often more enjoyable than you may think! And, of course, we are always available for families in immediate need of a funeral, or for families worried about how they will pay for a funeral. We answer the phone 24/7.

And for those who’d like to help – what’s the best way for the community to support Tender Funerals?
Apart from spreading the word, at the moment, we would love donations to support the creative community care program we’re developing. We want to have regular groups that do things like sing together, sew or knit together or sort out all their photos – shared activities to support each other through that time after a death. We also want to run regular series on things like planning for end-of-life or how to decorate a coffin to help those conversations thrive in our community. Donations will ensure our facilitators are paid and we have the staff time to support these important community activities. www.givenow.com.au/tendercanberra